Ashes to Ashes (Cam and Maya)
by DamonFan1300
Summary: Campbell saunders has always had problems with depression, see how serious cam's problem really was and what led him to his suicide. This story switches perspectives between cam and maya.


Ashes to Ashes

It's the worst feeling: the world is spinning so fast and nothing will stop for you to catch your breath. So you sit there watching everything move around you while you hold your breath. You've got that familiar glare over your eyes and scars with stories behind them just waiting, waiting for someone to notice your silent scream. "I am not okay."

Cam's POV

It was there again, I could feel it building inside of me, but I would not let it win, I would push it away, refrain from breaking down and showing everyone what was really wrong. I breathed in deeply and took my seat beside Maya. She had been the first person to really pay attention to me, we had been on one date and in that short time, I had been the happiest I think I had ever been. She made me feel alive; she made me feel like I was invincible, not like some kid who was falling apart at the seams. I remember going into the photo booth with her to escape her sister and I still had the roll of pictures tucked away in my wallet. She had tried to kiss me then, and I had turned awkwardly away, I don't know why but I just didn't feel comfortable. I had never had a girl like me before and now that I did I didn't completely know how to act. We had become official a few weeks later, well according to Tori and Tristan that is.

"Cam, are you gonna eat or what?" Maya asked as she leaned towards me. She was so beautiful, she had these blue eyes that looked at me like I was strong not weak, she had a sweet smile and perfect straight blonde hair.

"Uh, yeah" I answered as I took a bite of my burger.

"Heads up Campbell, it looks like the Ice Hounds are giving you their infamous death stare again" Tori spoke up from across the table. I looked over at my hockey team and swallowed nervously. Maya gave a cross look over at Tori who only shrugged.

"Don't worry about them Cam" Maya said as she placed a hand on my arm.

"I won't" I answered, I felt a shaking begin in my hand and I try to hide it from Maya by putting it under the table. I've been a member of the Ice Hounds Hockey Team since I came to Degrassi. It's the whole reason I was sent here, to play hockey and end up in the NHL. My mom saw me play and decided that I should go pro. She sent me here, knowing that Degrassi was highly looked at by a majority of sports recruiters. The Ice Hounds are also nationally ranked, and knew that with me on the team I could take the team to the top.

Maya's POV

"So Cam…" I begin, snapping him out of whatever daze he was just in.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"I was wondering if maybe… you wanted to come over tonight" I ask. We had been dating for several weeks now and Cam still hadn't tried to kiss me, maybe being alone tonight at my house would change his mind.

"Oh, uh… what for?" Cam asked.

"Just thought you'd be up for a movie or something" I replied.

"Sure, of course" Cam said. "When?"

"Maybe six, my parents are out until eleven tonight, I could order us some dinner."

"Sounds good" Cam replied with a small smile. I cherish every moment I see him smile, I feel like I never see it enough and it's truly a gift when I do, when his caramel brown eyes light up and I see true happiness, and that smug smile that will flash onto his face for a brief moment. I meet up with Cam in French class; he's sitting at the desk, working hard on something. I sit in the desk behind him and trace the hair on the back of his neck with my fingernail. He jumps a little and I spot chills run up his arms.

"Quit it Maya, I can't have any distractions right now, I've got to get this done."

"What are you doing?" I question as I lean over him.

"Extra credit paper, I was up late last night with hockey and didn't have time to do it" he explains frantically.

"Sheesh calm down Campbell, I'm sure if you just explain to her…" I try to explain.

"No" he interrupts as he puts his head in his hands. "She only gave me one night, and you can't extend extra credit."

"You're always working on something" I complained as I sighed and leaned on his back.

"Yeah well I'm always behind" Cam answered. The teacher walked in and I sat back in my chair. She walks over to Cam and glares down at him.

"Campbell? Your assignment?" she questions as she holds out her hand and looks at him with a dour expression on her face.

"Can I have just a few more minutes?" Cam asked quickly.

"I'm afraid not, I've given you three days, and that's all I can give you" she answered. Cam hands her the paper and as soon as she turns her back he starts breathing really hard in and out.

"Cam?" I question as I put a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"

"I…. I'm fine" he answers, he is starting to shake and I get worried.

"Cam?" I repeat. I look over at Tori and Tristan, both of whom are leaning towards us and casting a worried look in my direction. Cam stands suddenly and walks out of the class.

"Campbell!" the teacher shouts after him but he ignores her and pushes past her.

Cams POV

I ran towards the bathroom and looked into the mirror as I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. My chest is getting tight and my vision is starting to blur. _What is your mom going to think when she finds out your failing? You're never going to get your grades up. You'll get thrown off the hockey team and then what will you do? _Within a few seconds I am on the ground, hyperventilating, my head is getting more and more light and then I lose control completely and pass out.

I wake up 20 minutes later with Tristan leaning over me, he must have been sent to check on me by Maya or Tori.

"Hey, are you alright?" Tristan asks as he helps me up.

"Yeah, I'm fine" I answer for the second time today.

"Geez Saunders, you gave everyone a heart attack!" Tristan says as he put his hand on his chest, "What happened?" I look towards the door and then back at Tristan.

"I just…. I needed to get away from that room, I just needed some space" I reply.

"Okay, well you better get back, Madame Aux, is having a fit" Tristan warned me. I nod and follow him back towards the class and everyone stares at me. Maya's is the worse; she is peering straight into me with a haunted look on her face. Tristan walks in front of me into the class and goes and sits beside Tori, whispering something I can't make out but I'm sure is about finding me passed out on the bathroom floor.

"Are you ready to begin class now, Monsieur Saunders?" she questions, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yes" I reply with a curt nod. I sit down back in font of Maya and I can feel her eyes boring into the back of my skull.

"Now let us get back to what we were doing" she says as she looks past me to Maya. "Translate this sentence Maya" she begins. "My name is Maya, I am 14 years old."

"Mon nom est Maya, j'ai 14 ans" Maya says perfectly. The tone and language seemed to come so natural to her, and if I didn't know her, I would have thought she grew up in France.

"Very good Mademoiselle Matlin" she praises and then her eyes land on me. I try to look down at my notes and pretend like I'm writing so she won't call on me.

"Monsieur Saunders" she calls. I freeze and swallow hard, dropping my pencil on my desk and putting my hands on my thighs, rubbing off the sweat that has now began to build on them.

"Yes Madame?" I reply.

"How about you translate this sentence, I go to high school" she stated.

"J'ai….. mangé….. l'école" I struggle with each word. Some of the student's laugh that understood what I said and Madame narrows her eyes at me.

"That would have been good Campbell except I didn't think you _ate_ the high school" Madame Aux scoffs as she turns towards the whiteboard. I feel heat rush to my cheeks as the whole class starts laughing. Why did I have to be so bad at other languages? What makes this all worse is I can even hear Maya giggling behind me.

"Good one Cam" she says as she pats my shoulder. After a few more minutes the class is over and I slowly gather my things as the class rushes out. Tori and Tristan walk out, their arms are linked and Tristan is laughing loudly about something. "See ya at 6" she says quickly, she moves towards me and tries to kiss my cheek but I pull back just enough so she kisses the air. She stands their awkwardly for a moment and I look down at the ground, not daring to meet her eyes. She walks out of the room and I start to follow but Madame Aux, stops me.

"Monsieur Saunders, may I speak to you for a moment?" she asks. I walk over to her desk and she looks up at me as she pulls her glasses down. "Now, I'm sorry to have to tell you this Campbell, but if you don't pass the oral exam at the end of the quarter, you will have to repeat my class."

"What?" I say, worry entering my mind. "How am I failing that bad, it's only the middle of the quarter" I explain.

"You haven't been doing too well, I recommend you work in some extra study time, get a tutor, anything will help" she tells me. "You think you can do that?" she asks after I don't respond.

"Yes Madame" I reply.

"Good, you are dismissed" she says.

Maya's POV

I walk towards my locker and grab my chemistry book and binder for next period. How could I have possibly tried that again? Maybe Cam just doesn't really like me like I thought he did. I glance over at Tori and her boyfriend Zig is standing beside her. He kisses her right on the lips and I feel myself turn green with envy. Tori giggles as she pulls away, Zig looks at her with a look that shows how much he truly loves her. I think back and realize that though I've seen a light in Cam's eyes before, I've never seen the kind of look that Zig has given Tori so many times.


End file.
